Dear Sony: Your Hardware is Shit (Update)

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Dear Sony: I should have broken up with you a long time ago. You have no attention span, your hardware is usually rotten in its first iteration, and you have a haughty arrogance that so puts me off. I’ve been a customer of yours since your original PlayStation, and I have all sorts of audio equipment from you as well. Methinks it’s just the attitude of this division. But it’s appalling.

The thing is, I love the Vita. It’s amazing. Your decision on the memory cards, however, was idiotic. And the fact that you have the attention span of a gnat and stopped developing for it tells me all I need to know. I still have my PS2 hooked up, and I have a Vita and PSP that get regular use. I didn’t want a PS4.

The problem is, the games I want are going there now instead of the Vita. So I grudgingly got myself one for my birthday last year. My local Gamestop had a white one, used. I wanted the white one, so I got it. I don’t like the way the black one looks, I don’t play Call of Duty or Man Raider, so I didn’t get those, and your Star Wars one looks like Darth Vader fucked a VCR. Not a whole lot of choices.

Everything was fine for a couple of months. Then, when I got Ratchet and Clank last year, it started randomly ejecting the disc. I thought it had something to do with the game crashing, so I kept at it. But no. Then, with the system in standby, it would randomly beep and try to eject a disc that wasn’t even in there. In the middle of the night. That’s not creepy at all.

All of this to discover that it’s actually a design flaw. That the rubber foot under the eject button expands with heat and triggers the eject. You can mess with the screw on the side of the disc player when you pop off the cover, but even this has stopped working. It’s a bad design. And you know it.

So I go to your support site. It says to enter the serial number, which I do. You helpfully tell me that the system is out of warranty, which is fine. I’ll pay a bit to repair the system I bought less than a year ago. Fine. I could take it to Gamestop and swap it out, but I know I’ll get a bulk black system. I don’t want that. I want mine fixed.

But when I trace that problem? You ask if the problem is that my PSFucking2 won’t accept discs. I’m sorry, did you import this site from GeoCities? Is this for real?

You have a design flaw. You should fix it. I get that I’ll pay some to get it fixed. I’ll pay for shipping. But getting to even that stage seems to be mired somewhere. Kind of like your utterly appalling user interface.

Or maybe it’s where your games get stuck. You know, the ones you get fanboys wetting themselves over for no apparent reason, then stick one on kickstarter and have no date for another, while a third shows every sign of development hell. And that’s how you get away with really not making very good games systems.

I mean, come on, Sony. I don’t want to have to write you off forever. But damn am I ever close. Between the way you’ve treated the Vita and the way you treat the industry, I’m sorry.

It’s not me. It’s you.

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About Evi Buell

Non-binary/trans, expressing the inner femme I've repressed all these years while exploring my identity and figuring out who I should be on the outside.
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